


First Words

by sleepysweaters



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Soulmate AU, enemies to lovers is you squint, mainly because i literally forget how to write and then come back, putting this on here because tumblr keeps glitching on people, this took months to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27163528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepysweaters/pseuds/sleepysweaters
Summary: In a world where the first words your soulmate say to you is on your wrist, Y/N manages to get “hello”
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Reader, Tsukishima Kei/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 86





	First Words

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't planning on posting this on here but I kept getting comments on Tumblr saying that this was glitching on there. I imagine it's due to the length of it and I really hate linking things to Quotev, so I'll post it here. I know people typically don't post xreader (especially xmale reader) but people want to read this.  
> It's also on Tumblr remuswriting

Y/N loved the concept of soulmates. Seeing the first words they’d say to you on your wrist seemed magical. Sure, it was weird to get it on your 10th birthday, because what if you had met your soulmate before then? The h/c haired boy didn’t really care though because soulmates were so cool. Someone that was to love you for the rest of your life and in return, you loved them back.

His mother had to tell him to calm down because he’d start coming up with all sorts of scenarios of what they could possibly say to each other. His best friend Hinata Shouyou shared the same enthusiasm over it though, so he supported the excitement his mother didn’t like.

Hinata’s 10th birthday was before Y/N, and the words on his wrist were really strange.

“One day I’m gonna set for you.”

The two spent the ginger’s birthday looking up what that meant, and they learned about volleyball. The ginger didn’t seem as excited about it until he’d see the match on the tv when he was riding his bicycle a year later.

The h/c boy’s birthday finally came around and Hinata had stayed over so they could find out what his soulmate would say together. When the clock struck midnight, the word appeared and Y/N wondered if he still liked soulmates.

“Hello.”

He looked over at Hinata, who was staring at his wrist in confusion. It was common to get regular greetings, but that didn’t mean Y/N wanted one. It was fairly silent until his mother opened the door excitedly with a huge grin. She had been excited about this too, but hearing her child come up with things his soulmate would say was hard to handle at times.

“So, what’s she going to say?” The woman asked, and Y/N slowly showed her his wrist.

“She’s going to say hello.”

Silence fell back over the room. His mother and father had cool words, but he got stuck with ‘hello’? He wanted something cool like what his father had, which was ‘We’ve been here for way too long’ or is his mother’s ‘You’re right, let’s leave.’ Those are cool and you automatically know who’s your soulmate, but hello gave you nothing to work with.

“I know what to do,” Y/N said as he put his hands together. “I will just never say hello unless it’s to an adult.”

His mother and his father looked at him confused before the ginger’s face lit up as if he suddenly understood. Y/N’s mother was still in the dark about what was going on.

“She’ll be the one to know! If you say something weird, then there’s no mistaking it!” Hinata exclaimed and the h/c boy nodded excitedly.

“Yes! If she’s decided to mess up my life, then I’ll mess up hers!” Y/N exclaimed, and his mother just stared at him and sighed. Of course, her son would act like this.

When they went back to school Monday, people asked him about what his soulmate would say and would look disappointed that it was only ‘hello.’ He was known around school for getting everyone involved in interesting conversations, people knew who he was without even having to say hello. Next year, he’d be in junior high and hopefully he’d find his soulmate there.

****

Y/N moved before his first year of junior high, he was 30 minutes away by car; so, it wasn’t like he was 100% gone. He played on his junior high volleyball team because he had also fallen in love with volleyball when Hinata did, and he hoped one day they’d go against each other.

“Hey, you’re L/N, right?” Naoko asked, he was on the soccer team. The h/c boy nodded as he sat on a bench outside wrapping his ankle with an ace bandage. He had twisted it during practice but refused to let anyone actually know about it.

“You’re Naoko, right?” He asked, and the black haired boy nodded. Soon enough the soccer player sat next to the h/c boy on the bench. It was awkward because the h/c boy haired boy didn’t know why the other was there.

“I have a friend who wants to confess to you, but doesn’t know how,” Naoko said, and the other just looked at him confused.

“I don’t know either,” he said as he looked back at the wrapping as he checked to make sure it was good. “I don’t ever get confessions and I’ve never confessed. Why not ask a girl or something?”

The black haired boy looked at him frustrated, but not in a way that it was at him. What was so frustrating about all of this? The girl could just come up and say she likes him, it’s not like he’ll accept if he doesn’t know her.

“Just tell her to just confess to me. My schedule is pretty much the same every day.”

“It’s not a girl,” Naoko said. “That’s why he doesn’t know what to do.”

Y/N looked up at him in shock and confusion. He’d always thought it was fictional for people to be gay; something for women to fetishize, so he’d never given it a single thought. The guys in his class always talked about girls, but he had never really been interested in it. He preferred to be around his teammates because they made him feel warm. Well, not all of them, but definitely Takeshi.

Takeshi was a wing spiker who always told the team to rely on Y/N more because he was their libero. The libero always stared at him more than normal, but he couldn’t help it; he was so pretty with his brown eyes and bright smile. Y/N stopped for a second, realizing what he was thinking about blinked his eyes several times.

“Why did you even come talk to me?” He asked, and the black haired boy dragged his hands down his face.

“Fuck, I don’t know,” Naoko admitted. “I just thought if I told you and you said you were straight, then it’d save him heartbreak.”

“If I don’t know him, then I definitely won’t date him, so do I know him?” L/N asked, and the other shook his head.

“No, but everyone knows you,” the black haired boy said with a slightly smile. “You do realize that you are friends with nearly everyone in our year whether or not you know it, right?”

Y/N nodded slightly because he did know that but it didn’t mean they really knew him. Very few people knew about the important things about him, so how could they possibly be in love with him?

“Yeah, but I still don’t know him. It’ll be pointless if he confesses to me.”

*****

Y/N started to shut down after he spoke to Naoko, because he didn’t know where he stood anymore with soulmates and sexuality. He’d stare at the word on his wrist and wonder if it was a girl or guy going to say it. What if he couldn’t fall in love with his soulmate? What if he never met his soulmate? What if he was gay?

He was so trapped in his head that he started to hate soulmates. Why was he required to fall in love with someone when he could who he wanted to? People had always frowned upon people loving someone that wasn’t their soulmate. Y/N had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t his soulmate, his best friend Takeshi.

It was hard to escape the other because they were on the same team, so he just ignored it. He put everything into volleyball because that’s how he knew how to cope. Whenever he was emotional, he just used it to his advantage in volleyball. His coach always praised how his receives were going to beat Nishinoya Yuu from Chidoriyama Junior High, which the h/c libero didn’t think was accurate.

Hinata wanted to be the next tiny giant and practiced constantly for it. He constantly told Y/N how he wished he had a real team so he could finally practice like he wanted to. Shouyou had once said he wanted to meet the volleyball player he idolized and that Y/N could do that by meeting Nishinoya (not that Y/N idolized him, he just really wanted to be like him), but the h/c haired boy said the only way he was going to meet the libero was by playing against him.

His relationship with Hinata was unaffected because he wasn’t attached to his volleyball team. Shouyou was completely outside of that world, even when they played together occasionally. Y/N was grateful to have some sense of what he used to be like and have someone not constantly question if he was okay.

“I want to know what crazy person says to someone that they’ll set for them,” Shouyou said as he and Y/N tossed the volleyball around. “Especially as their first words.”

“We’ve always said that she’ll probably be better at volleyball than you,” Y/N said, and the ginger gasped.

“I’ve never said that!”

Y/N laughed into his hand and Hinata looked genuinely upset.

“Oh, I guess it was just your mom and me that said that.”

The ginger threw the volleyball at his best friend, only for the h/c haired boy to receive it. Hinata forgot all about the comment, now asking his friend to teach him how to receive.

Although he was doing good in volleyball, he wasn’t close to his teammates like he used to be. He focused on practice, not anyone else’s problems because he didn’t see a need to. This was a different him, because he used to be the person who spent so much time trying to figure out what was going on with others because he just wanted to.

Takeshi tried to talk to him about it, because it was concerning to see one of your best friends become something that wasn’t him. After numerous ‘I’m fine, stop asking’, the ace got the point and stopped asking. The watchful eye made the h/c haired libero angry though because the other didn’t have the right to do that to him; to care.

He handle his anger by taking it out during practice and one day he managed to knock someone down from how aggressively he had received the ball. No one had known that was possible, but it was apparently something he could do.

“L/N! Go take a breather!” Coach screamed at him, and he nodded as he walked out of the gym.

He found himself standing in front of the bathroom, his forehead against the wall before he turned around a pressed his back against the wall and slid down. The moment he hit the cold tiled ground; he hid his face between his pulled up knees. He needed to stop thinking; stop feeling. Interhigh was coming up fast and he needed to focus on that.

“Hey, you okay?” Takeshi asked, and Y/N didn’t look at the brunette. He wished he weren’t actually there. “L/N-san, I know you say you’ve been okay, but you’ve really been acting weird recently.”  
“It doesn’t matter how I’m acting,” L/N said softly, afraid he’d start to open up. “Why are you even out here?”

“Coach wanted me to come make sure you wouldn’t break anything,” Takeshi said as he fell to sit next to the other. “I didn’t think you would though.”

“Why are you my friend” Y/N asked as he finally looked at the other. Somehow Takeshi was still unbelievably attractive even though he was drenched in sweat to where it was almost like a hair gel that controlled his unruly curls. “Why did you decide to be my friend?”

“L/N-san, you’re friends with everyone. You’re fun to be around and you always know how to make people happy. You know how to make me happy,” the brunette said slowly as he looked over at the other with a soft smile. “That’s why some of us are worried about you. It’s like you’ve cut all of us out and you’ve gotten so aggressive during practice. None of us know why.”

“Things are just really difficult right now,” Y/N said as he looked down to his feet, internally chanting not to stare at Takeshi for too long. “Just been a lot on my mind.” 

“I understand that,” Takeshi said with a laugh. “I’m in love with someone who isn’t my soulmate, but volleyball has been helping me get my mind off of that.”

“Who?” Y/N asked without hesitation, and it felt pathetic to get so excited over hearing that. Maybe this would be their confession, sure it wasn’t romantic but it would be a confession. Takeshi blushed as he looked down at his lap.

“Don’t tell anyone, but it’s Tamura-san,” the brunette said softly, and Y/N felt like he had been stabbed in the heart. Of course, it would be Tamura; Takeshi’s childhood best friend and captain of their team.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” the libero said with a soft smile and the other smiled back at him. “You can head back; I just need a couple more minutes.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I promise I’m fine.”

Takeshi left and the h/c haired boy sighed as he leaned back so the back of his head was against the wall. Soulmates wouldn’t hurt him like this. They wouldn’t be in love with someone else and tell him like this because they believed they were only best friends. Soulmates had to love you back, they always did, and they wouldn’t break your heart like this.

Y/N let himself cry for a couple minutes, because maybe this could be what he needed to get it all out of his system. He could stop being in love with someone who clearly didn’t love him. It was going to be okay because he had a soulmate out there waiting for him.

*****

After the talk with Takeshi, his feelings did go away but knowing he was gay didn’t. Y/N decided to just stop thinking about that and put all he had into volleyball, but he accidentally stopped talking to Takeshi like they once had. It had hurt too much to around someone who broke his heart, but he was nearly through with feeling those things.

They won at Interhigh, beating Kitagawa Daiichi Junior High in the process and Y/N will never forget the look of anger on the King’s face. The libero had received nearly every serve the setter had done, even if it was aimed to be somewhere the h/c haired boy wasn’t. Beating Shiratorizawa Academy Junior High was also the highlight, even though he hadn’t been able to beat Ushijima like he had wanted to. Winning put L/N in high spirits, even made him act like himself again for the rest of the day.

“Y/N!” A voice called out and the libero turned to see Hinata running towards him at full speed. “That was so crazy!”

“I didn’t know you came to watch,” Y/N said as he caught his friend in his arms before he could be tackled. “You told me he was an asshole to you in June, so you know I had to really destroy him.”

“Your whole team is so cool! My team wasn’t even really a team,” Hinata said, and Y/N nodded, because he knew. He knew the ginger had been the only member of the volleyball club until three first years showed up and he forced his two friends that knew nothing about volleyball to join for the game. “So, it’s really cool to see my best friend playing on a real one!”

“Come on, L/N-san, the bus is about to leave,” Sora said, and the h/c haired boy sighed at Hinata’s upset face.

“You’re already leaving me!” He wailed and the libero whacked him upside the head.

“Come over tomorrow. It’s not like you’re incapable of doing that.” He ruffled his best friend’s hair. “I’ll text you later, Shouyou.”

“Okay! See you tomorrow!”

*****

“So, you’re really going to go to nationals?” Hinata asked, and the libero nodded.

“You bet, but I need to figure out what high school I’m going to before that,” Y/N said as he looked over at the other. “Do you know where you’re going to go?”

Hinata was drinking a cup of hot chocolate Y/N’s parents had made for him. The worn volleyball they always played with was situated in his lap. L/N found it funny that they were both obsessed with volleyball, but Shouyou wanted to always be touching the ball. Hinata looked over at him with the biggest grin Y/N had seen in a while.

“Karasuno obviously! I’m going to be the next tiny giant!” Hinata exclaimed and the h/c boy chuckled at the excitement.

“Shiratorizawa is trying to recruit me, but maybe I’ll go to Karasuno,” he said softly, which made Hinata’s brown eyes light up. His mother wouldn’t like this decision, because she wanted him to go to the best places because he was outrageously talented and pretty good academically. “My only question is what are you going to do every morning? Take the train?”

“No, I’m going to bike!” Hinata exclaimed as the volleyball fell to the snow covered grass. He looked overly excited, as if it were the best idea he’s ever had; it might have been though. “I’ve been getting used to biking everywhere. That’s how I got here.”

Y/N looked over at his friend as he shook his head with a chuckle. How was his childhood friend so determined and motivated? The h/c haired boy had once been like that too, but then he became scared of himself and the world around him. It was hard to give your absolute all when you’re scared if people will learn who you truly are.

“You amaze me,” he said as he ruffled the ginger’s hair a laugh.

“If you go to Karasuno, then we can finally play volleyball together!” Hinata exclaimed and the libero gave him an awkward smile.

Y/N was scared to join another volleyball team, because what if he felt in love with another team member? His heart had been destroyed last time, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle it. He caught himself looked at his wrist before he really looked at Shouyou, who was grinning as he picked up the volleyball as if it were his prized possession, and Y/N knew he’d do anything to make his best friend happy.

“Yeah. Yeah, we can.”

*****

Going to Karasuno was different than what L/N had been expecting, even though he didn’t really have any expectations going into it. He knew he’d be on the volleyball team and most likely in the college prep class, but that was about it. When school was over, Hinata was waiting outside the h/c haired male’s classroom and Y/N really wanted to strangle him.

“I know you don’t know this, but first years typically don’t go to practice for the first week of school,” Y/N said as he was being dragged to the gym.

“I’m just excited, I have to go now!” Hinata exclaimed, and the h/c boy chuckled as he continued to follow the other to the gym.

Karasuno High had a really nice campus, but Y/N would never say it was nicer than his junior high’s campus. He missed that school though; missed his team. He regretted not doing a proper goodbye with them because he had started to cut off friendships when he realized he started to love Takeshi again.

When Hinata opened the gym doors, there stood Kageyama Tobio in all of his shitty glory. He had heard Hinata talk about the setter, but L/N also had dealt with the setter before. He had defeated his team at Spring Interhigh, but the libero destroyed him that November. The setter focused more on the ginger than he did the libero, which was nice. The e/c eyed boy needed to breathe because he wanted to absolutely destroy the setter.

“Aren’t you L/N Y/N?” Kageyama asked, and Hinata was outraged that he remembered his best friend’s name but not his.

“Yeah, aren’t you the douche bag whose teammates ditched?” Y/N asked, he looked like he didn’t care but his voice held resentment. “I’d say that’s why your team lost to mine, but we were already kicking your asses before that.”

“You don’t know shit,” Kageyama sneered, and three upperclassmen showed up. They looked at the three first years before one of them looked at Y/N in amazement.

“Noya is going to freak when he gets back,” the shaved head boy said, and the first year libero looked at him so confused.

“Is that a good thing?”

The attention was turned over to the black haired setter, and he was thankful he wasn’t being put in the spotlight like that again. He wanted to be seen on the court, not outside of it (although that became mainly a thing in his third year of junior high). L/N then watched in horror the chaos of Kageyama and Hinata’s rivalry, and then watched as they were kicked out of the gym.

“Well, that was something,” he said, mainly to himself, and Sugawara (the vice-captain) laughed slightly.

“We take teamwork very seriously here,” the captain, Daichi, said, and the first year just nodded slowly.

“My coach in junior high was the same way,” Y/N said before he looked away. “Sometimes we’d get way into our heads and have to be kicked off the court for a bit so we could breathe. You can’t play as a team if you can’t only think about what’s happening on the court.”

After they spoke for a bit, the first year sheepishly asked if he could join practice and the team said it was okay by them. Y/N decided he liked his new team but the guilt from not saying goodbye to his old one loomed over him the entire practice.

*****

L/N woke up in a good mood. He had finally actually slept for the first time in who knows how long and felt good because of it. Maybe it was because he wasn’t constantly stressing about what anyone finding out if he was gay, because they didn’t know him well enough too and didn’t seem like they really cared to know.

“Y/N!” Hinata called out, and Y/N turned to see his best friend running towards him excitedly. He also looked like he had been working out, but it was only 8am and the ginger never looked like that after biking.

“Hey, Shouyou,” the libero said as he stopped to wait for the other. “What’s up with you?”

“Sugawara-senpai and Tanaka-senpai let me and Kageyama practice this morning,” the ginger said with stars in his eyes, and the other looked concerned.

“Does Daichi-senpai know about it?”

Hinata shook his head, panic in his eyes at the mention of the volleyball captain. L/N chuckled at the other before the h/c haired boy caught eyes with a tall blonde boy across the yard. He looked like he didn’t want to be surrounded by everyone, and Y/N couldn’t blame him. Even though he was best friends with Hinata, he really didn’t like to befriend people anymore but part of him wanted to befriend the annoyed blonde he had just seen.

“Who are you staring at, Y/N?” Hinata asked as he tugged on the h/c haired boy’s sleeve.

The libero looked over at the energetic boy, blinking a couple times. It wasn’t that he was disorientated, but because he hadn’t really been paying attention to anyone around him except the blonde boy.

“Some blonde guy,” he said before he bumped shoulders with the other. “Let’s get to class, because you definitely need to use your brain.”

“Hey! That’s not nice!”

“Shouyou, we’ve been friends for years; I don’t have to be nice to you.”

*****

Y/N decided to swing by afternoon practice, just to check it out, when he saw the blonde boy there from earlier there. Daichi was standing in front of him and there was another student next to the blonde, he had olive toned hair and a nervous composure. The h/c walked over to the three, an awkward smile on his face, because what if they were other volleyball members.

“Hello, L/N,” Daichi said, and the libero sent him a bright smile.

“Hey, Daichi-senpai.”

The two others looked at him confused, which was understandable. The h/c haired boy had been confused yesterday when everyone had being introduced. Although yesterday was a lot to handle.  
“Hello, I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi,” the olive toned boy said with a slight smile.

The blonde looked over at him out of the side of his eye, seeming to evaluate him. Usually the libero would be uncomfortable but being so close to the guy who interested him when he had seen him outside earlier that day trumped the nerves.

“Hello,” he said, not adding anything, which made Y/N do what he always did; say something ridiculous.

“I wish snakes had arms,” Y/N said, and the blonde and olive toned boys frozen, which caused the h/c haired boy to tilt his head before his eyes widened. “I’m so sorry. I know that’s really weird, but my soulmate is to say hello and I decided to say crazy things so they’ll know.”

“Are you fucking serious?” The blonde asked, and L/N took a step back as he put his hands up as if surrendering.

“Yeah? I mean hello is a pretty vague thing.”

“My wrist has said ‘I wish snakes had arms’ all these years because of you.”

Y/N’s eyes widened before he looked to the ground and chuckled awkwardly. How was he supposed to respond to that? It was technically blondie’s fault for being so basic by saying hello.

“Tsukki, it’s not like he knew what he was going to say,” Yamaguchi said, and the blonde rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

“It’s not my fault that you had to say the most boring thing! How was I supposed to know who my soulmate was if we were both to say hello or hi?” Y/N screamed, and Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “You haven’t given me an answer.”

“Wow, my soulmate is a little bitch,” Tsukishima said, and that’s when Daichi decided to step in.

“Hey, we don’t talk like that to our teammates here,” the captain said strictly while the two soulmates glared at each other. “Do I need to do what I did to Kageyama and Hinata to you two?”

“I’d quit,” Y/N said, wondering if maybe he could just pretend he had never met the tall blonde. “You said I couldn’t play in the 3-on-3 anyways because I’m a libero, so you can’t punish us that way.”

“Maybe you should quit,” Tsukishima sneered, and someone was suddenly holding the h/c haired boy back. His blood was boiling and all he wanted to do was kick the other down to the ground so he could properly deck him.

“Maybe you should learn that being an asshole isn’t a personality trait,” Y/N sneered back, which made the other’s brown eyes narrow at him.

“I think we can call it a day for the first years,” Daichi said, obviously looking panicked. “We’ll talk tomorrow when everyone is calmed down.”

Tsukishima started to walk away, mumbling something that caused Yamaguchi to give the blonde a shocked look.

“You know we eventually have to fall in love with each other, it’s how soulmates work!” L/N screamed, which stilled both of the other first years. Tsukishima didn’t turn around, but Yamaguchi turned to look at the h/c haired boy, who was still being held back by Tanaka.

“We’ll see about that,” the blonde said before he started to walk again.

“I wish my first words had been ‘you’re a piece of shit’ instead of the dumb shit I said,” Y/N mumbled, and Sugawara appeared, a hand covering his mouth.

“Your first words were really ‘I wish snakes had arms’?” The vice-captain asked, and the h/c haired boy nodded sadly. He wished it had been something better than that, but at least it wasn’t hello. “You really will fit in on this team.”

*****

Y/N wasn’t included in the three-on-three because he had been practicing with the team and they knew his playing by now. It also just wasn’t fair for one team to have a libero and the other not to. He was told to come to the match for it because it showed team unity.

“Y/N, this is going to be so fun!” Hinata exclaimed as they walked to Karasuno High together. The ginger had stopped at L/N’s house so they could walk there together, also to drop off his bike.  
“It’ll be your second game ever, right?” Y/N asked before he took a bite into a pork bun he had brought from home.

He was glad his mother wasn’t there to see him because she’d scold him. It was considered lazy to eat while you walked down the street, because you didn’t know how to plan your day out, but the h/c haired libero couldn’t find it in him to care. Hinata had refused to eat one, because he was worried it would make him sick.

“Yeah!” Hinata exclaimed before he suddenly looked nervous. “Oh no, what if I mess up?”

“Everyone messes up, Sho-chan. I wasn’t a starter until my second year because I messed up receives constantly,” Y/N said with a yawn. “You’ll get to play no matter who wins, so don’t worry.”

“Kageyama won’t get to play setter until his second year and he’s really upset about that,” Hinata said before he pushed his hair down and started doing an impression of the first year setter. “I must do everything volleyball by myself and I don’t need any help. I must always play setter.”

“As much as I hate him, I get where’s he’s coming from. If I couldn’t be a libero, I’d just quit. It’s my position, especially because I’ve only learned how to only do that. I’ve never spiked a ball before.”

Hinata’s eyes went wide. Apparently Y/N had never gave the other that information. He assumed the ginger would figure out that being a libero means you can’t really spike or set a ball, so there wasn’t a need for him to learn those things. L/N wanted to assume he’d be decent at it since he could jump high, but he didn’t know if his spikes would be any good.

“Spiking is the best!” Hinata yelled, only to be shushed by the other. “It makes me feel so gaah, you know?”

“You mean it makes you feel alive?”

“Yeah, but more!”

The rest of the walk was full of Hinata rambling about how much he loved spiking and how hard receiving was. It was the first time they had done this since before Y/N moved and it felt good to do it. Made it feel like no time had passed, even though Y/N was 5’6” now and Hinata was still the same height but with fluffier hair.

“We never talked about the fact that Tsukishima is your soulmate,” Hinata said, and the libero sighed as he looked at the ground.

“We’re not going to. I’m going to ignore the fact as long as possible.”

“You shouldn’t though! You know that can be dangerous!” Hinata exclaimed as he threw his arms around. “Y/N-chan, I know you don’t like that it’s a guy, but it doesn’t stop the fact that if you ignore it then you could get Hanahaki disease or Kirameki disease!”

“Those are unrequited love things, Shouyou,” Y/N said as he rolled his eyes. “Also, they rarely happen in soulmate cases. It’s typically when you love someone who isn’t your soulmate. Or if your soulmate loves you and you don’t love them at all.”

“Still!” Hinata yelled before he grabbed at his friend’s arm to stop him. “There’s nothing wrong with being with a guy! Just make sure you don’t get hurt!”

“So, you don’t care that I apparently like guys?”

Hinata made a confused face and shook his head.

“Why would I care? It’s not like you’re in love with me.”

“Yeah, I do have standards.”

“Hey!” Hinata exclaimed with an annoyed expression and the h/c haired boy laughed. “I think I’m part of the high standards!”

“Shouyou, you don’t even understand what I’m saying,” Y/N said as he tried not to laugh. “Having standards means someone has certain things they want in someone.”

“Explaining it made it worse!” Shouyou yelled as he threw his head back.

Y/N didn’t know why he was so worried about Hinata knowing he was gay. The ginger was still the same idiotic person that the h/c haired boy had known back in elementary school. As his laughing died, his smile stayed on his face. He really was thankful for his best friend.

*****

Y/N found himself staring at Tsukishima as the blonde played in the three-on-three. It was normal to watch people play that you’d never seen before, but he knew he couldn’t stop staring because the other looked good when he played. L/N was fairly certain he didn’t look all that attractive when he played because he sweated as if he’d never have another day to.

“So, snakes with no arms,” Sugawara said as he went to stand next to the h/c haired libero. The third year setter loved the first words so much that it was now a weird nickname. “I see you’re staring at Tsukishima, especially after he took off his sweatshirt.”

That was attractive. Seeing the middle blocker getting into the game to the point he had to take his sweatshirt off was enough to get Y/N wanting to get over the entire ‘I hate you’ thing. Maybe if the blonde kept it up, L/N would be attracted to him enough to want to kiss him. He couldn’t just tell someone that because that’s weird. It would be especially weird if it were his upperclassmen who was staring at him way too intensely. His cheeks started to burn red from the attention and he looked at the floor.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but your staring is a bit too much.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Sugawara looked away from the other, and it seemed like he actually felt bad that he overwhelmed the other. The libero could tell that the third year probably would go back and not stress him out if he had the chance to.

“It’s okay to look at him though. He is your soulmate,” Suga said, and the first year looked over at the ash blonde curiously. “No one is going to get mad at you, well except for Tsukishima. He seems like a real stick in the mud kind of person while you’re peppier and a very subdued version of Hinata.”

Y/N laughed a little as he shook his head. “I’m not sure if you’re insulting me or not.”

“I don’t insult my underclassmen until I’ve known them for at least a month,” the vice-captain said and the first year gave him a weird look.

“I guess that gives me time to do stupid shit and not be bullied for it.”

Sugawara laughed as his hand landed of Y/N’s shoulder. When he looked at the libero, his eyes held more mischief than the h/c haired boy liked.

“Insulting and bullying are two different things.” The third year looked over and pointed at Tsukishima. “Anyways, you can go back to watching your stick in the mud soulmate block people again.”

Y/N reluctantly did but he also watched Hinata, who would always be overdramatic and over trusting, spike Kageyama’s perfect sets. The h/c haired boy hoped the setter didn’t end up hurting his best friend by going back to his harsh ways from junior high. If he did hurt Hinata though, then L/N would have to kill him because no one was allowed to do that to. The ginger brought light with him everywhere, his name literally meant sunshine, and he had been the one thing in the h/c haired boy’s life that had never changed.

He wanted to see if he could receive those crazy quick attacks. Wanted to know how much power was behind them and if they’d hurt his arms when it came into contact with them? How fast would he have to become to know when they’re going to happen and where.

It wasn’t surprising that Kageyama and Hinata’s team won because they had created a new freak quick attack. This meant Kageyama would get to play as setter if the coach allowed him to and it seemed that Karasuno’s coach/advisor did whatever the third years told him to. He’d get to play as a starter in their practice match against Seijoh because of course, the first year setter’s senpai had some sort of rivalry with him.

“Tell me, Kageyama,” Y/N said and the blue eyed first year glared at the other. “Damn, I was just going to ask why Oikawa seems to be targeting you.”

“I don’t know,” Tobio said as he looked down at the ground and h/c haired boy wasn’t so sure he believed that but didn’t say anything.

“Y/N-chan, did you see my spiking!” Hinata exclaimed and the libero nodded.

“Yeah! You’re better than I thought you were, but not by much.”

“So mean, Y/N!”

The h/c haired boy saw Tsukishima looking over at him, only for the blonde to look away. Soulmates were supposed to be curious of each other and try to learn more about one another, but it seemed the middle blocker was going to be difficult. 

“Hey, Tsukishima. You’re really good at blocking,” Y/N said, seeing what would happen, and the blonde rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t ask,” Tsukishima said with a slight glare and the h/c haired boy shrugged.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t say it,” he said with a chuckle. “So, get used to it.”

“Annoying brat.”

*****

“You’re doing a terrible job at getting Tsukishima to like you,” Suga told Y/N before practice one day and the first year libero gave him a confused look.

“I’m not trying to do anything. It’s going to take time because he’s obviously incredibly stubborn,” Y/N said with a sigh. “So, it’s not worth rushing.”

“I met my soulmate in junior high. He goes to a different high school though,” Suga said before he chuckled slightly. “His first words to me were ‘I didn’t know angels existed’ and mine to him was ‘hey, are you going to faint’. He still calls me angel.”

Y/N smiled at his upperclassmen because that was one of the few slightly cute word exchanges he had heard of. Most middle schoolers had stupid ones but the libero couldn’t judge anyone by any means due to what he said.

“Why doesn’t he go here?” L/N asked and the ash blonde fetched his phone of his bag.

“He moved to Sendai right before first year of high school but we still talk,” Suga said before he showed the first year a photo of the ash blonde with a brunette with glasses.

“He looks like Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran High School Host Club,” L/N said and the Koushi looked at the photo and smiled.

“I guess you’re right.” He put his phone back in his back and gave the h/c haired boy a look. “You’re incredibly charming, just use it on Tsukishima. He’ll bully you for the rest of your life because of the words but at least you’ll have each other.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

*****

The sight of Kindaichi and Kunimi made Y/N roll his eyes. Of course, he had to see those two again as if having Kageyama on his team wasn’t bad enough. The dirty look they gave him as he walked by made him roll his eyes because of course they’d act like that. It hadn’t been Y/N’s fault Kitagawa lost but their own fault for crumbling as a team.

“We’re not going to lose to you again, L/N,” Kindaichi said and the h/c haired boy looked at him and shrugged.

“Words are just words, where are your actions to prove them?” He asked and it had been the last thing he said to the boy in front of him at Interhigh Finals. The turnip haired boy had always talked big but never fully showed what he actually had.

“Stop talking to them and come on,” Tsukishima said and the libero rolled his eyes.

“Okay but do you ever wonder if snakes have arms?” Y/N asked a smile on his face and the blonde glared at him.

“You make it so hard to even try to be nice to you,” Kei said as he walked ahead, no longer alongside L/N.

“Awe!” Y/N exclaimed as he covered his heart with his hands, making sure to be extra overdramatic. “You were trying to be nice to me, how cute!”

“L/N, stop harassing Tsukishima!” Daichi called out and Sugawara elbowed him in the side, making the captain let out a small ‘oof’ sound. “Let’s warmup!”

*****

The match was going just fine, especially the small competition that Watari and Y/N had going to see who could get the most digs. The Karasuno first year libero was fairly certain he was the only one aware of this competition but that didn’t matter to him because he wasn’t going to lose. He wanted to destroy Kindaichi every time they went against each other, purely because the other always made the comment he would beat Y/N.

Kageyama and Hinata’s quick attack took the other team by surprise but that was to be expected. Without it, L/N was pretty certain Karasuno wouldn’t have been doing so well. Seijoh had a team that was recruited, unlike the crow school. Seijoh had tried to recruit Y/N but his mother had been so fixed on him going to Shiratorizawa to the point she told him to just unfriend Hinata because he wasn’t on Y/N’s level anyways.

When Oikawa Tooru entered the court, the h/c haired libero looked him over and knew the pretty boy would most likely end up being trouble. He had been on the bench his first year of junior high but he had seen Seijoh’s setter destroying people with his jump serve and there was no telling how deadly it was now. No telling how badly the libero would want to receive every last one.

Y/N was rotated out with Tsukishima for reasons he didn’t understand but let happen. When Oikawa started targeting the blonde and Shouyou, he wanted back on the court then because sure the two couldn’t receive for shit but he wanted to be the one trying to receive those serves.

“Do they really not know how to receive?” Y/N asked Sugawara as he flinched at the sight of the two first year struggling. “I thought Hinata was getting better.”

“That’s him being better,” the third year said with a slight chuckle. “I thought you would know how bad Hinata is at volleyball since you came to Karasuno for him.”

Y/N hadn’t really gone to Karasuno entirely for Hinata but because he had someone to lean on, so then he didn’t fall in love with someone on the team. The fact that Tsukishima was his soulmate fucked up everything. He could’ve just gone to Shiratorizawa and been gay for Ushijima like nearly every other volleyball player and it be acceptable but instead he had to go to Karasuno and meet his fucking soulmate.

“L/N switch out with Tsukishima,” Kiyoko said and the two first years quickly did so.

The blonde looked annoyed and the h/c haired libero couldn’t blame him. It would be like Y/N trying to spike and block when he’s never done those things, although Tsukishima had learned to receive; just not to the ability he should have.

“Look at who Karasuno’s libero is,” Oikawa said and e/c eyes tracked his every movement. He was going to give a nasty serve and direct it at Hinata most likely. “Doesn’t mean much at this point.”

The serve was perfect and somehow Y/N got it to go up. He knew it looked flawless but his arms hurt like hell now. Hinata scored the last point and the libero smirked as he looked at Kindaichi. He’d always beat anyone who told him he couldn’t.

“That was a nice receive,” Oikawa said and the libero looked over at the setter before he shrugged.

“Pretty easy one to get so I’m not sure why everyone was struggling,” he lied and he could feel his arms throbbing, knowing that time was luck and he’d have to train to receive the other’s serves next time.

“Why are you with Karasuno? You obviously have more skill than anyone of them.”

How does someone say that you fell in love with someone in middle school who wasn’t your soulmate and realized you were gay, which broke you down and the only person you felt at ease with was your best friend who wanted to play volleyball with you, so you picked the school you never thought you go to?

“I mean I could’ve joined your team or Shiratorizawa but,” he said but he was cut off.

“Are you just going to talk all day?” Tsukishima asked and the other two players had no idea when the blonde had arrived.

“Sorry, seems that it’s time to go. It was good finally playing against you, Oikawa-san,” the h/c haired first year said before he turned to leave but the brunette grabbed his wrist.

Y/N looked down at his hand and Tsukishima stepped in, detaching the hand from the libero’s wrist. He didn’t speak but it was obvious the words he wanted to say were “don’t you dare” but the third year setter apparently couldn’t tell.

“I know you hate Kageyama, so why are you so okay with playing on the same team as him?” Tooru asked and there a weird sort of desperation in his eyes, as if he had been searching for an answer to the question for longer than he’d let on.

“I don’t think I actually hate him,” Y/N said with a shrug. “Hated how fucking annoying of an opponent he is.”

“Can you please stop talking about the king and go?” Tsukishima asked and he was obviously frustrated.

Your soulmate has to care for you. You could hate them with all you have and still care about them because that’s how soulmates work.

It was why Y/N knew he didn’t need to work so hard to get Tsukishima to like him because it would happen. His mother had always told him that your soulmate is required to love you, which wasn’t always beautiful. Sometimes you loved a person who was evil and you had no control over it.

“Yeah, it was nice meeting you, Oikawa-san,” Y/N said and followed after the blonde middle blocker, who had an irritable expression on his face. “Thank you for getting me out of that.”

The first year middle blocker didn’t respond but Y/N could see the faint red tinge to his ears. What a tsundere.

*****

“Are you saying that because I’m short?” A voice asked as Y/N entered the gym to see Hinata next to a dark haired boy with a blonde streak in the front of his hair. He froze because that couldn’t be him.

“No, you’re good at receives,” Hinata said before he smiled wide. “Also, my best friend is a little taller than me and he’s a libero too!”

“Really?” Noya asked and L/N wanted to leave the gym and pretend he had never been on the volleyball team because meeting the other libero was going to be embarrassing.

“Yeah!” Hinata exclaimed before he noticed the h/c haired first year and pointed at him. “There he is!”

Noya looked at the frozen boy with wide eyes before he grinned so wide it looked like it could hurt. Tanaka, Sugawara, and Daichi were all over to the side, ready to watch this interaction. The second year had grumbled about the fact he hadn’t been able to play against third year L/N Y/N because he looked like he could kick his ass.

“You are L/N Y/N!” The 5’2” libero screamed as he went over to the other and all Y/N could do was nod. The libero was cuter without a net between them and it made the first year nervous. “I’m Nishinoya Yuu from Chidoriyama Junior High, you may remember me.”

“Of course, I remember you,” Y/N said with an insulted tone in his voice. “You were the best libero I ever went against in junior high. No one has ever pissed me off more but it made the game exciting.”

“I thought the same about you!” Noya exclaimed with twinkling eyes that made the h/c haired libero swoon slightly. “So, if you’ve gotten better, then I may be fucked.”

Y/N had found the second year libero attractive when he went up against him about two years ago. He’d never gone against a libero that was obviously as dedicated to the position as he was. Passion was attractive and the h/c haired boy would admit to that every time and it was probably why it was hard to find Tsukishima attractive because he just never seemed passionate about anything (except that once during the 3-on-3).

“He is definitely better than you,” Tanaka said, obviously just trying to rile up the second year libero. “Just wait until you go up against each other again and he kicks your ass.”

“I’m not that good.” It didn’t seem like the other two heard him and he wasn’t sure what to really say to get their attention. “He’s going to always be better than me.”

Noya looked over with a smirk that made the first year weak in the knees. He had never found anyone as attractive as the blonde streak second year and would have to say he still had a small crush on him. He wasn’t a second year in junior high anymore though and now knew who his soulmate was but why did the other still make him feel like he could be in love.

“No need in trying to flatter me when you’re already my favorite.” Noya laughed slightly and Y/N’s heart was beating so fast it hurt. “We will see who the best libero is but just know I’m not going to throw it just because I’m an amazing senpai.”

“I’d never want you to throw it, senpai,” Y/N said and the second year libero turned bright red at the title. The first year looked at him curiously, unsure as to why he turned so red. “Is everything okay?”

Tanaka’s hearty laugh rang throughout the gym and Noya glared at the shaved head middle spiker. There was obviously something more than L/N knew and he just kept looking at the two curiously because he didn’t understand what he was missing.

“Don’t worry, it’ll make sense later,” Sugawara said as he placed a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder, only to make Y/N jumped slightly. “Or it may not and you’ll have to ask me what it means.”

Y/N just nodded as he looked over at the two second years, who were now wrestling, and sighed slightly. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to do about Noya because this would result in disaster. It was already clear to him that he didn’t want to be soulmates with Tsukishima and if he started to fall in love with Noya– well who knows what would happen. Maybe he needed to quit the team because it was justifiable now because his nightmare would most likely come true.

“Maybe I should quit the team,” Y/N said and the ash blonde third year looked over at him curiously. “I mean Noya is going to be starter and I doubt we will ever need to sub for him, so I’ll just be waiting until my third year to finally play.”

“Are you really admitting defeat?” Noya asked and the h/c haired boy looked over to see the second year have a challenging look in his eye. “The L/N I played against two years ago would have never just said that. He probably would try his hardest to kick my ass and show me who’s boss, even as a first year.”

He was right because that’s exactly what Y/N had to do to play before his third year in junior high. He surpassed his senior because he wanted to play against Nishinoya and wanted to become good enough to consistently receive the powerful jump serves Oikawa had shown. L/N had struggled to get better but he did it in a way that surprised his coach as well as the amount of schools that had tried to recruit him for high school.

“Okay, so how do you want me to kick your ass?” Y/N asked as he took a step closer to Noya, who also took a step closer to the first year. “Want me to slam you to the ground? Or maybe you’d prefer for me to tease you until you’re at my feet.”

The blonde streak boy’s cheeks were burning bright pink and he couldn’t look at the boy in front of him, which cause Y/N to smirk. This wasn’t his normal self but the competitive side that came out whenever he was challenged, typically during a game.

“You’ve broken him!” Tanaka exclaimed with a laugh and L/N looked the second year libero up and down before rolling his eyes.

“What has L/N done?” Tsukishima asked as he entered the gym and he looked interested in knowing what’s going on. It was because his soulmate was being spoken about and you’re always curious when your soulmate is being spoken about. Part of Y/N wished it were more than that.

“He broke Noya!” Tanaka exclaimed, his laughter nonstop as if this were the funniest thing he had gotten to experience in a while.

“Noya challenged him and when L/N gave the same energy back, and well our libero started to malfunction,” Sugawara said and there was a glint of something in the blonde’s eyes.

“Oh really? Can L/N even beat Noya in a competition?” Tsukishima asked and the h/c haired boy turned around to look the middle blocker in the eyes.

“Do you just want to see me play?” Y/N asked with fake innocence in his voice. “It’s okay if you do because I’ll practice right in front of you.”

Tsukishima didn’t change in any way but the libero wasn’t fully ready to break him. He was in full on competitive mode, something he hadn’t shown off at the practice match because that one didn’t matter like the real thing would.

“Or do you want me to lose so I’ll go running to you and you can comfort me?” He asked as he tilted his head. “Too bad I’m not going to lose, so you’re just going to have to ask me to run to you.”

Tsukishima looked over the libero and Y/N knew this was a moment of your soulmate has to find interest in you; has to want you. Suga had said he really needed to charm the blonde but it seemed like he didn’t really have to try so hard.

“Wait, they’re soulmates?” Noya asked and Sugawara nodded as he watched the two first years, unsure if he was able to look away. “But I wanted him to be my soulmate!”

Tsukishima’s eyes shot over to the second year and there was a look that made the libero fidget slightly and quiet down. The blonde pushed the h/c haired boy’s shoulder gently for him to move as he looked at the blonde streak boy.

“It’s too bad that he already has one, isn’t it?” Tsukishima questioned before he turned back to the first year and rolled his eyes. He acted as if Y/N had just done what the blonde did, which made the first year libero scoff.

“I’m actually open to changing who my soulmate is.” Y/N’s smirk and how he checked out the middle blocker created just a tinge of pink on the blonde’s ears. “Mine seems to hate me most of the time.”

The tension was already thick but Tsukishima’s silence made it even worse. Hinata, who had somehow managed to stay quiet throughout all of this, decided to finally speak. L/N wasn’t sure if he should love his best friend of debate on fighting him.

“Did I ever tell you what my soulmate is going to say to me?” 

Hinata’s eyes were bright and shining, which would make everyone assume that he was just being annoying but he was trying to get the attention off of the situation. It also helped that he hadn’t shared that since the entire thing of L/N and Tsukishima had happened. The excuse of it wasn’t every day that teammates ended up being soulmates and it was excited that it had happened.

“No, I don’t think you have,” Suga said as he looked over at the ginger boy, who grinned brightly. “Want to share it?”

“He always wants to share it,” Y/N said with a laugh and he wasn’t sure if they all knew that he and Hinata had been there for their words.

“One day I’m gonna set for you,” Hinata said as he showed his wrist. “It’s exciting that they also love volleyball. I just don’t know if it’s going to be a girl because isn’t that something a guy would say to you?”

Thankfully, this opened up a whole other debate and L/N turned to leave and maybe even go to the club room and stay there. Or maybe he’d just leave and never come to another practice because no matter how confident he could act; Noya would beat him. It wasn’t something that destroyed him to know because it made sense and you can’t go against sense.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Tsukishima asked, his long fingers wrapped around the h/c haired boy’s wrist. If he really wanted to, Y/N could just break out of the hold and continue walking but he didn’t. “Well?”

“To the club room.” His voice is soft, unlike when he was cocky with competitiveness. “You’re free to join if you want.”

The hand let go of his wrist, which made it just fall limp to his side. He turned around to see Tsukishima looking at him with analytical eyes, which put him on edge. What would the blonde see that the libero wouldn’t want him to, or just not yet.

The effects of soulmates seemed to only be affecting Tsukishima and Y/N wasn’t sure as to why. There weren’t any feelings of wanting to be closer to the blonde. There weren’t really even any feelings of attraction. The middle blocker just existed and happened to be soulmates with him and that was that.

“Sure, why not.”

Yamaguchi said nothing when they walked past him, although it was obvious he wanted to. He wanted to make a comment about the sudden closeness between the two but it died before he even opened his mouth. Y/N wondered if the olive haired boy feared the middle blocker because he saw no reason to.

Did he see Tsukishima differently than everyone else? He didn’t see a real reason as to how he could. The blonde was just closed off and bitchy and the h/c haired boy had dealt with someone like that on his old team. He had gotten into a fight with L/N the second week into their first year because the libero just snapped back at any comments.

“So, you want to quit?” Tsukishima asked and the h/c haired boy looked over at him with a shrug. “Well, don’t.”

“Why?” Y/N asked as he tilted his head slightly and the blonde looked away from the other.

“Won’t be the same without you.” His ears were tinged pink. “Also, it shouldn’t matter if someone is better than you if you can obviously get better.”

A smile played on the libero’s lips as he looked the blonde over. “Are you trying to say that you think I’m a good player? Are you trying to compliment me?”

Tsukishima grumbled slightly as he looked down at the concrete. He was embarrassed and the h/c haired boy wanted to laugh but all he could do was smile at his soulmate. Moments like this were when L/N should find the middle blocker attractive because it was a moment where he was actually raw and not calculated like he wanted everyone to see.

“It’s not really a compliment if it’s a fact.”

Y/N stopped walking and stared at the blonde, who stopped in his tracks a couple of strides in front of the other. People had said that to him before and he never believed them. Sure, he knew he was a good libero but he wasn’t good enough in his book. Tsukishima saying it felt different though and the h/c haired first year would end up saying it was just because they were soulmates.

Soulmates always changed everything.

“Do you really mean that?” Y/N asked and his confident façade fell as he looked at the other with wide eyes. “Do you really think I’m good player?”

“Of course I do.” Tsukishima rubbed the back of his neck as he looked anywhere but his soulmate. “Everyone thinks so. Do you not?”

“Not really.”

Why was he telling the middle blocker this? They were merely teammates who didn’t actually talk about anything except for plays and when Tsukishima saved him from situations. He’d just blame soulmates because he didn’t think he’d start to actually want the blonde this fast.

“Why?” Tsukishima asked and he looked like he actually cared and it was too much for L/N.

“Maybe I’ll tell you another time.” He spoke fast. “I’m going to go to the bathroom. See you later.”

The blonde first year didn’t seem upset by the sudden change in heart and just moved to the side for the other to walk by. L/N started to run whenever Tsukishima was no longer in sight and ended up at the tennis court. Maybe he should’ve actually gone to the bathroom instead of receiving weird looks from the boys’ tennis club. He didn’t care enough to actually to turn back and fell to the ground to lay in the grass as he stared up at the blue sky.

He was scared to fall in love, even with Tsukishima. He was scared to fall in love with his own soulmate. How fucked up was that? Most people eagerly accepted the feelings that came with soulmates but those feelings just made him feel gross. It felt wrong. It all just felt wrong.

It didn’t feel wrong like this when he fell in love in junior high. It didn’t feel wrong to have a crush on Nishinoya. Why didn’t those feel wrong? Why did feelings concerning his soulmate feel wrong?  
He didn’t like how it felt whenever Tsukishima gently touched his shoulder or small of his back the very few times he had done it. The feeling lingered until that night when he was in bed and it was all he could feel. It was all that consumed him to the point where he had to reach into his boxers and imagined it was Tsukishima’s warm hands instead of his own. After it was over, he felt so disgusting that he couldn’t look the blonde in the face for a couple of days.

Y/N hated how he always leaned in to hear more of what the other first year was saying. It was a soulmate thing because you always wanted to hear your soulmate whenever they spoke. He found it annoying and hated the way Tsukishima always turned his body towards him when he spoke. The way the blonde’s voice was deep and made L/N’s knees weak at times.

He wasn’t attracted to him though because it all felt wrong. It felt wrong to masturbate while he thought it was someone else. It felt wrong to be affected by a voice. It felt wrong to not even find that person attractive, even with everything else attached. Y/N wanted there to be something that made the blonde attractive but there was no spark there.

Takeshi had been attractive. He had made the h/c haired boy dizzy from his smile and how his eyes shined with excitement whenever he stepped into the gym. There was also the way he laughed and always leaned into the libero, which made his lightheaded. It all felt so good compared to whatever he was feeling with Tsukishima. Why did it feel so different?

*****

Tsukishima had grabbed his wrist during practice and pulled him out of the way of a rouge volleyball. Y/N wanted to scream at him to stop touching him because he couldn’t handle it. The thought of going home and eventually having to touch himself because it was all he could think about wasn’t something he wanted to do.

Instead he pulled away with an awkward smile before he went over to Nishinoya to practice more receives. Noya gave him a playful smile as he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Trouble in paradise?” He asked with a laugh.

The second year hadn’t been quiet about his crush on the first year. He was loud about it to the point Tsukishima glared at him constantly and asked Y/N to change his position to something that wasn’t a libero. The h/c boy said that Noya would eventually find his soulmate and the crush would go away. It wasn’t like they were going to fall in love or anything.

“Wasn’t paradise to begin with,” Y/N said as he tossed the ball over to the dark haired boy to start receiving in between each other. “Pretty sure he still hates me a bit but that’s fine. I’m not really ready to fall in love yet.”

Noya only nodded before he smirked at the other. L/N always wanted to know what the other was thinking but never asked. He never asked questions about anything. Never saw a reason to.

“Do you remember the first words you said to me?” The second year asked and the h/c boy nodded.

“Pretty sure I was going to kick your ass or something.” Y/N received the ball with more force than normal. “Why?”

“Just wondering.” Y/N caught the volleyball and stared at him. “I just find it weird that your soulmate is Tsukishima. It would make more sense if it were me.”

L/N wouldn’t necessarily agree. When he wasn’t having a crisis, he was more like Hinata but not to an extreme. He made more sarcastic remarks, quick comebacks, and genuinely happy the majority of the time. It was just that now he was using volleyball to avoid thoughts and feelings, just like he did back in junior high.

“Soulmates don’t work out how we want them to or how we feel like they should,” Y/N said, his mother had told him this when he said his was a boy. “We have to accept and let it all happen.”

“Yeah,” Noya said with eyes that showed he was trying to understand. “Let’s make people serve for us.”

Y/N nodded as he threw the ball over into the ball cart and followed his upperclassman. He wondered what his wrist said because he couldn’t see it through the orange sweatbands that covered both wrists. Was it embarrassing? Was he ashamed of it?

“Nishinoya-senpai, what are your words?” Y/N asked and the second year was getting used to being called the honorification, so the bright red face was now just pink blush on his cheeks.

“Doesn’t matter,” Noya said before he tackled Tanaka and the first year watched his upperclassman carefully.

L/N wanted to know why it didn’t matter but he was fairly certain he wouldn’t get an answer. Maybe it actually didn’t matter. Tsukishima and him being soulmates only mattered because they were on the same team and everyone had to deal with it. Hinata’s words only mattered because Y/N had been there to experience whenever the ginger received them. Sugawara’s words only mattered because he had told them to the first year.

Soulmate words didn’t matter just like soulmates didn’t. He started to hate soulmates again because everything was supposed to feel magical and perfect instead of whatever he currently felt. It didn’t make his heart race when he caught Tsukishima staring at him, instead it made him want to vomit. There weren’t moments where his face felt hot from the blonde. He didn’t yearn to be next to the middle blocker when they were apart.

L/N wasn’t in love with Tsukishima and decided that maybe they weren’t meant to be soulmates.

*****

Y/N had never been one to get sick. He had taken care of Shouyou when his friend got the flu and didn’t get it. He had never missed a day of school because he was sick. His mother had once said it was like he had a superhuman immune system. So, when he complained about being nauseated, his parents were slightly concerned.

“Have you been overworking yourself?” His mother asked as she made him some porridge. “I know it’s been stressful for you and handling the soulmate thing as well as not being a starter.”

“It hasn’t been announced yet who the starter is, we find out in two weeks. Remember golden week?” Y/N asked and his mother nodded. “I’m not going down without a fight, so of course I’m working hard.”

His mother put some of the porridge in front of him and he looked at it as if it would jump out at him. The smell wasn’t great but it also wasn’t bad. Hinata had always complained about the taste of it, so L/N was surprised when it wasn’t all that bad. He ate a little of it, his appetite still lacking, and was sent to bed.

Apparently it’s not allowed to practice if you don’t feel well. It was just another reason as to why the libero decided he would never get sick again. Sure, no one wanted to be sick but he really wanted to be at practice right now. He had started to get the hang of a rolling receive and Nishinoya was getting pissed over it. Y/N had reassured his upperclassman that he wouldn’t scream rolling thunder whenever he did it.

L/N wanted to be better than Noya or at least be proper competition because it was fun to bicker with him. He enjoyed having the second year as his friend and his crush faded slightly when he got to be around him to the extent he had been. They’d also be going up against Nekoma, a school he had heard about from some family that lived up in Tokyo as well as the new coach. Coach Ukai didn’t seem extremely qualified for the position but Y/N didn’t really care as long as he got to play somehow.

When he finally laid down, he felt the need to go to the bathroom. Hopefully, the porridge was just gross because was going to really refuse to be sick if he actually was. The race to the toilet was perfectly timed and he threw up not just the porridge but three white flower petals as well. He didn’t remember eating flowers. Was he really that sick to where he ate flowers?

He stared at the toilet bowl; the smell terrible but he couldn’t stop staring at those three white flower petals. Y/N heard his mother coming down the hall and he quickly wiped his mouth off with toilet paper and flushed the toilet. She looked at him so worried when she opened the door and he tried to reassure her he was okay; the porridge just didn’t sit well in his stomach.

She ordered him to go to bed immediately, even though he didn’t have a fever. L/N wasn’t tired and all he could think about was when he and Hinata walked to the three-on-three together. He remembered exactly what Hinata said, word for word.

“Y/N-chan, I know you don’t like that it’s a guy, but it doesn’t stop the fact that if you ignore it then you could get Hanahaki disease or Kirameki disease!”

L/N really thought that those things were myths. Only ever told to kids to scare them into making sure they love their soulmate. Those three petals said otherwise. He felt stupid now and wondered what he was going to do.

Hinata was right. You can get Hanahaki disease if don’t fall in love with your soulmate.

*****

L/N never had a fever, his appetite was just nearly nonexistent and he ended up getting a cough. He expected to throw up more but it was rare, which went against the symptoms he had seen online. If his mother was to look through his computer history, then she’d be concerned for his safety. He mainly looked at academic articles over it because he didn’t want to read fucked up fanfiction about celebrities having it.

A study had been done that if both soulmates didn’t like each other, Hanahaki wouldn’t happen. There was unrequited love when one loved the other but the feelings weren’t reciprocated. The only way to reverse it was to fall in love with your soulmate, which was shown to be easier than the libero thought it would be. That’s what statistics showed at least.

He was in stage one where only a couple petals appeared but not every time he coughed. He needed to avoid as many symptoms as possible. Symptoms for it could be coughing, vomiting, trouble breathing, fever, uncontrollable shaking, loss of appetite, low body temperature, and hallucinations. Y/N already had coughing, vomiting, and loss of appetite.

The first year was smart in how he planned to try to fall in love with Tsukishima. He started to sit next to him when he could and asked to walk home with him after practices. It was just that it wasn’t working the way he wanted it to. Kei (Tsukishima had told him to call him that) was actually funny when he wasn’t being a complete asshole.

He had even put his headphones on L/N and the libero learned that the middle blocker was into K-pop and J-pop. The two stopped in the middle of street because the h/c first year couldn’t stop laughing about it. Y/N looked up some of the groups the blonde had shown him and made vague comments about it during practice.

“Stop flirting,” Sugawara joked with a teasing smile. He was probably the most excited to see the two finally interacting in a way that wasn’t at each other’s throats.

“I can’t help it, have you seen him?” Y/N said and Kei chucked a ball at him in response, but the libero received it. “You can’t take me by surprise when it comes to volleyball.”

It felt like they were just childhood best friends and L/N had slammed his head into the wall next to the vending machine outside the court. Things between them had changed so much but he still struggled to form romantic feelings for the blonde. What was different between Takeshi and Noya compared to Tsukishima?

Takeshi had gotten into his face once. They were so close and he gripped his shirt as he screamed in L/N’s face to start acting like a libero. It was his first year and he was still new and clumsy with volleyball but the brunette didn’t care. Y/N got frustrated and stopped giving it his all but Takeshi didn’t allow it. Even though they had both been first years, the brunette was the only person to make Y/N get fired up to play.

Then he heard and saw Nishinoya play and it was almost like someone had lit a fire in him. He was antsy on the side of the court his first year and wanted to go against the other. Noya was stunning to begin with but his love for volleyball made him even better. L/N remembered when they had looked at each other through that net and he knew that everything just felt right.

“I hope you’re ready for me to kick your ass,” Y/N said to the other libero during warm-up. Nishinoya gave him a challenging look. “We’ll be going against Shiratorizawa.”

“Only way that’ll happen is if I give up.” Noya took a step closer to the other. “And I don’t do that.”

“Good because neither do I.”

Even though L/N’s team had lost in the end, he felt like he was on cloud 9. His love for volleyball was at an all-time high. His team was pissed at him for being so happy but Takeshi made the comment that it was rare to see two good liberos go against each other. It didn’t matter what it was but he felt like he was in love with Noya and volleyball.

Oh.

L/N realized that his crush on the two boys had started because of volleyball. The crushes grew when his love for volleyball grew. Their inspiration made him want to be better, love always did that though. He read about it.

Tsukishima hadn’t inspired him the other boys had. He showed no passion towards anything, especially not volleyball. That was why Y/N kept struggling to fall in love with him because there wasn’t an actual connection of a share interest. Sure, he could sing the lyrics to songs Kei loved but he didn’t love them himself.

There wasn’t a proper way for him to tell Kei that he didn’t love him, when the blonde obviously loved him, and it resulted in Hanahaki. He couldn’t demand for him to show passion for something he wasn’t passionate about. It was just that Y/N didn’t want to die. He wanted to play with Karasuno and go to nationals. He wanted to be in love with his soulmate.

If he told Tsukishima that, what would the blonde do? 

*****

L/N had never been more excited for Golden Week because he loved practicing with his team. He loved practicing with Shouyou and how the ginger was so excited about everything. The h/c first year loved watching his friend run through the place they would be staying with wide starry eyes. Even though Hinata had inspired him to play volleyball, he never fell in love with him. Most likely because he had seen him as a brother for so long before that.

Kei placed his futon next to Y/N, which caused the two to be teased by Sugawara and Tanaka. Daichi shut them up and sent the two first years an apologetic expression. The middle blocker seemed more embarrassed than the libero, he moved his futon next to Yamaguchi’s instead. He didn’t like attention, yet everyone gave it to him, mostly girls.

“Do you not want to sleep next to me?” Y/N asked when no one else was around. “It’s okay if you don’t but ignore them if you do.”

“Do you want me to sleep next to you?” Kei asked as he took a drink from his water bottle. His expression was hard to read but the other knew it was because he was trying to feel out the situation.

He didn’t know if he wanted Tsukishima to sleep next to him. Part of him honestly didn’t care who slept next to who as long as everyone got to sleep and no one was bitchy in the morning. His old team had always been so bitchy in the mornings to the point he was told to stop being so cheery. All he had really done was say good morning during breakfast.

“I want you to be happy,” L/N said and he was sincere. “If it makes you happy to have your futon next to mine, then do so. I’ll deal with the others if I need to.”

Kei had a small smile on his face, the h/c first year nearly didn’t catch it. The blonde was pretty when he smiled but the effect would go away all together if he started to smile all the time. The barely noticeable smile stayed while he put his futon next to his soulmate’s but disappeared when it was no longer the two of them.

L/N smiled at him but there was a sadness to his smile. He still wasn’t in love with Tsukishima and he was to the point that he so desperately wanted to be.

*****

When Hinata ran off without the team, L/N and Sugawara were teamed up somehow. Tanaka said that Y/N and Tsukishima couldn’t go alone because they would get all lovey dovey. Tsukishima told them he didn’t want to look for Hinata and L/N said he was going to go look and would join someone if needed.

As he and Suga walked around, he started to feel a little sick to his stomach. The first year had grown used to this feeling but he was typically at home when it hit him. He really didn’t want to throw up his breakfast in front of his upperclassman, especially if there would be flower petals in it. Sometimes you don’t get to decide what you’re going to do.

L/N threw up on the side of the road and would’ve preferred a trash can but there wasn’t one around the two. Suga looked over at him concerned and the libero could hear him go to talk before he fell silent.

There was a fully formed flower in the midst of the vomit. A white candytuft, one of the more common Hanahaki flowers. It meant ‘indifference’ and usually given to those who had tried to ignore their feelings. He was getting worse and he knew it was because his efforts to fall in love weren’t working.

“How long?” Sugawara asked as he looked at Y/N. “How long has this been going on?”

“About two weeks. I’ve been leaving the gym to cough and the vomiting has happed maybe four times now. This is the first fully formed flower.”

“I thought you were in love with him,” Suga said and the first year closed his eyes.

“I want to be.” His voice soft and he felt he could cry. “I look at him and I want to be in love with him so bad but he’s not passionate about anything.”

Suga’s upset expression fell into a gentle one. He didn’t make an effort to move to comfort the other though.

“You’ve only ever been attracted to volleyball players, haven’t you?”

L/N looked up at him with tears running down his face. “Yes. They make me want to be better.”

“Are you still in love with Nishinoya?” The setter asked and the libero wanted to act like he had never been in love with the second year but they both knew that would be a lie. He had been just as obvious as Noya.

“No, I’m not in love with anyone.” He crouched down and put his face between his knees. “That’s the fucking problem. I’ve focused so much on trying to love Kei that I don’t even remember what feelings feel like anymore. How am I supposed to feel?”

“Your heart beats faster whenever you’re around them. You’re happy whenever they talk to you or you just see them.” Suga crouched down next to the other. “Life feels better when they’re around, even if it’s in mundane ways.”

“Those are all just soulmate things though,” L/N sniffled. “Everyone feels that for their soulmate.”

“What do you feel for Tsukishima?”

“I like being around him. He’s really fun to be around when he’s not as concerned with everything.”

The vice-captain placed a hand on the other’s back and it was comforting. Koushi’s touch didn’t feel like Kei’s and Y/N was happy about that. He wanted that to only be a Kei thing because he wanted something to only be a Kei thing.

“We’re going to figure something out,” Suga said and L/N started to cry harder because he knew they wouldn’t. “I promise that you’re going to be in love with your stick in the mud soulmate soon.”

“You can’t promise things like that,” L/N cried and Suga’s hand rubbed comforting circles on the other’s back. “You can’t get my hopes up.”

“Trust me, I always keep my promises.” He took his hand off the other’s back and stood up. “I’ll go find Hinata and we’ll come back around here. You can have a bit to yourself.”

Y/N nodded as he looked at the flower that stared at him from the grass. What would Tsukishima think when he learned the h/c boy’s flower meant indifference. The only way you got that flower was when you actively decided to no longer want your soulmate. There wasn’t much you could do to make yourself fall in love with someone past what he had done. Countless articles had said so.

He wanted there to be a universal thing that made soulmates fall in love. Typically just because they were soulmates did it but there were times this happened. He wondered if maybe he was aromantic but turns out their soulmates are strictly platonic and they’re matched with someone else who is aromantic. It also wouldn’t make sense because he had been so in love with Takeshi and Noya.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Someone asked and L/N had moved to sit somewhere that wasn’t the street. Tsukishima stood near him with a confused expression. “You’re not telling me that you got lost looking for Hinata.”

He called Shouyou Hinata whenever he was around L/N because the libero asked him to. Said it was fine to tease his best friend but he didn’t want to hear the teasing when it was just the two of them. Y/N had asked this with what Kei assumed to be fond eyes and the blonde couldn’t say no if he even tried.

“I don’t feel too great, so Sugawara went to look for Sho without me,” L/N said and realized he wasn’t lying when he said that. He still felt nauseated and like he needed to lie down.

“You kind of look like shit,” Kei said before he placed the back of his hand of the h/c forehead. “You’re a little warm but you don’t feel like you have a fever though.”

“I love when you say I look like shit; you really know how to woo a guy.”

Kei smiled at him slightly. “Just for you.”

It was moments like this when Y/N wanted to love him so bad. Moments where he wanted to reach out and just hold the other’s face between his hands and tell him all the reasons why he loved him.

“Do you love me?”

L/N didn’t mean to ask that. Maybe if he heard it, he’d love the other back. Maybe he just needed confirmation that he was allowed to love him.

“Of course I do, dumbass.” He took a step away from Y/N. “Why else would I come look for you?”

Because you’re my soulmate. Because you feel like you have to. Because everyone told you to. Not because you love me.

“Don’t know, thought you wanted to get more exercise in,” L/N teased and Kei rolled his eyes.

“Let’s get back to everyone, I don’t want to hear them go on about how long we were gone.” Tsukishima reached out a hand for the other to get down from the brick ledge better. It wasn’t even that tall but the gesture made the libero want to cry.

“Maybe they should have reason to tease us.”

Tsukishima ears went red, especially when the libero grabbed his hand.

“Shut up.”

“Aw, don’t be like that Kei,” Y/N pouted but they both knew he was only joking around. “I know you want me to talk always.”

As they walked back to the team, holding hands, Kei realized Y/N never said he loved him back.

*****

Tsukishima noticed more than he let people believe. It wasn’t like he suddenly knew someone just by observing but he could pick up tendencies people had. Tadashi’s ears turned red whenever he lied, which was rare. Hinata was livelier when he walked to practice with Y/N. Kageyama was always in a mood and the blonde started to think it was just the setter’s resting personality. Then there was Y/N and he couldn’t get a proper read on him.

Y/N always teased Kei when he thought was appropriate. After heavy moments, there was always something to make the blonde roll his eyes and get out of that atmosphere. He did it in front of everyone too. He made SHINee references more than the middle blocker wanted him to but at least no one else on the team knew what he was referring to. Y/N also called him Tsukki because he said he felt left out that Yamaguchi had a cute nickname for him but the h/c didn’t.

Tsukishima had grumbled and told him to call him whatever (he was then referred to as Optimus Prime) but he loved when the other called him Tsukki. He loved when Y/N did anything when he was near him because everything felt so easy. There was the argument that it was always felt that way with soulmates but the blonde refused to believe that. He wanted it to be special between them. It felt special to him at least.

L/N never told him that he loved him back though.

It had been eating away at him the couple days and it was finally the day of the Nekoma match. He was near Y/N, who had clenched fists as he glared at the floor. The h/c wasn’t made a starter and Noya had even fought with the coach about it. Said that Y/N could be used in the second set because he was just as good as the second year.

“Hey,” Tsukishima said and the L/N looked up at him with watery eyes. “It’s okay.”

That was the wrong thing to say and he blamed not being able to get a good enough read on the other. He blamed his soulmate for not being transparent with him.

“I understand that this is just some fucking club for you but it’s not for me!” Y/N screamed as he dug a finger into Kei’s sternum. “You don’t understand because you get to play while I don’t. I could’ve gone to Shiratorizawa and I don’t get to fucking play here.”

Usually, Tsukishima could get angry and throw sharp words at someone who acted like this towards him. He didn’t this time. He grabbed the other’s hand and just held it as everyone stared at them. Sugawara held back Noya, which was good because the blonde wouldn’t be as kind to the second year as he was to his soulmate. The feeling of the Nishinoya being a threat had went away when Y/N decided to start being around the blonde more. It went away when Kei felt like the other first year finally felt the effects of soulmates like he did.

“You’re right. I don’t understand and I probably never will.” Tsukishima paused when he noticed the h/c had started to cry. “You can scream and cry and do whatever but everything will still be the same.”

Y/N ripped his hand away before he wiped his eyes. Normally Tsukishima would find people pathetic for acting like this over some club but the boy in front of him was different. He was different because he was his soulmate and because he just loved him.

It was obvious though by the way L/N looked away from him and grumbled at the court again that he didn’t love him back. The realization made it crystal clear on how to read the libero. Everything the two had ever done together made sense now with how Y/N acted.

He was shy to touch and only allowed hand holding. Tsukishima had accidentally grabbed onto him one day when he tripped over something and the h/c refused to look at him for days after. He didn’t let anyone touch him unless it was Hinata but they were basically brothers. Any time that Kei had initiated something, there was tight smile on the other’s face as if he were being forced to deal with it.

Tsukishima had never walked him home because the other always said it was too far out of the way for him. Hinata had made comments of Y/N living the closest to Karasuno out of anyone on the team. The blonde had already known that was a lie and he assumed that maybe L/N’s parents were like his mother, who had tried to invite the libero to dinner the first time he had been walked home.

He watched as Y/N stormed out of the gym and Hinata follow after him, and he couldn’t get himself to move. A hand touched his shoulder and it was Sugawara, who looked as if he could see right through the blonde. Maybe he could but Kei did nothing in response to the third year. He stared straight ahead and tried to figure out what he was going to do with all these feelings.

“You’re allowed to be upset,” Suga said and the blonde looked over at him. “You’re allowed to talk to him about it. I actually encourage you to because he most definitely won’t.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Kei would just be cold hearted again and this wouldn’t bother him then. He knew though that the next time he saw the first year libero, he’d forget that. He’d just be happy to be next to him, even if he didn’t show it how most did. His affection was making a playlist of his favorite songs to show Y/N before he had even thought about letting him actually listen to him. His affection was keeping an extra hoodie in the club room in case the h/c complained about being cold. His affection was everything no one actually saw.

“Sure you don’t,” Sugawara said before he lowered his voice to a whisper. “And Y/N definitely doesn’t have a flower collection growing.”

Tsukishima froze in place as his upperclassman walked away. He didn’t move when Y/N came back with Hinata. He watched Noya tackle the first year and shower him in compliments. He couldn’t move because Y/N’s flower collection would be in his lungs and the blonde didn’t know what to do.

******

It was dark outside by the time everyone had returned to Karasuno High School. The h/c libero was still upset about the starting lineup and everyone knew. Him yelling at Tsukishima had been one of the lighter things he had done. There had been a fight with Coach Ukai where he had been threatened to be kicked off the team and Y/N told him to do it.

“There’s no point to volleyball if I can’t be a libero!” Y/N screamed and some of Nekoma stared at the sight.

“You’re still a libero, you’ll just play when rolling thunder kid can’t,” Ukai said and Takeda stood near them with a concerned expression. “It’s not that bad being on the bench.”

“It is though! I thought you played volleyball.” Y/N threw his hands up in the air. “This is fucking ridiculous because you’re pulling class rank on this when he and I can just switch out when needed!”

“Don’t speak to me like that!” Ukai yelled back and the libero stared him down. “I will kick you off this team.”

“Do it.”

Everyone stared at the two and Hinata later made a comment that he had never seen Y/N so serious. The h/c first year had a look that made everyone uneasy. It was almost as if he felt nothing and you were being forced to experience it.

“Hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves now,” Takeda said, finally stepping in. “No one is going to be leaving the team today.”

Y/N had been quiet the entire way home and gave no attention to anyone except for Noya, who he quickly hugged. When he walked over to Tsukishima, the blonde was surprised about it. He had assumed that since the other didn’t love him and was in a shit mood that it would make sense for them to not talk. L/N was more vibrant and vocal when he hadn’t just been threatened to be kicked off the team.

“You’re walking me home, let’s go,” Y/N said and Kei waved bye to Tadashi, who looked as confused as the blonde felt.

It was nice outside, even though the summer heat was nearly upon them, and Y/N didn’t talk like he normally did. He was silent in a way that made anxiety build up in the blonde’s chest. He could deal with a pissed off Y/N but he couldn’t deal with Y/N when he was pissed and possibly had Hanahaki.

“It’s so fucking ridiculous that he thinks he’s qualified to be a coach just because he used to play,” Y/N said and the blonde looked down at his soulmate, whose brows were furrowed together. “I just feel so useless to the team now, even after I spent my entire junior high dedicating myself to volleyball.”

He stopped in the road and look at Kei, who turned to look at him. It was weird to be standing like this. They never stopped on their walk home unless L/N started laughing so hard he couldn’t walk anymore.

“In junior high, I fell in love with a guy on my team and I used volleyball to try to get rid of those feelings.” Tsukishima just stared at him with no response. “I don’t love him anymore. I don’t.”

He was struggling to say what the blonde didn’t want to hear. He hated lying so much and hated being betrayed by those he trusted but he would be okay if Y/N lied to him forever if he didn’t have to hear it come out of his mouth.

“You don’t love me,” Tsukishima said and his voice was cold and the h/c nodded.

“I want to though. I want to so badly.” Y/N was sincere in his words and Tsukishima didn’t expect for him to lie now, so he knew he wasn’t. “Please show me some kind of passion.”

“What do you mean?” The blonde asked as he tilted his head and leaned more into the other’s space. “Why do I need to show you passion?”

“Because I can’t love you and will die if you don’t!”

Y/N’s expression was blank but somehow his eyes held more pain than Tsukishima wanted to see. He confirmed that he had Hanahaki in those words and the blonde didn’t know what to say. Was he supposed to pull some fake passion out of his ass? He couldn’t do that, even if he wanted to and he did.

“How long?”

“About two weeks.” Y/N looked down at his shoes. “Got my first entire flower the day Hinata got lost. Suga went on without me because I was sick.”

Tsukishima wanted to be angry. He wanted to feel the need to scream and throw things. Instead, he felt sad because he wasn’t sure on what there was to do. Explaining why he loved the other wouldn’t make him want him back.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to break your heart.” L/N’s voice was soft and weak. “I wanted to keep you happy for however long I possibly could.”

Tsukishima watched the other clench his fists before crying. It was pathetic but it made his heart hurt more than he wanted it to. Y/N let out a wet cough and white flower petals ended up in his hands. Sure, the blonde was in pain but it was obvious that the other was as well.

“I’ll just fall out of love with you since you can’t fall in love with me.”

He thought it was a good idea. They could just back to pissing the other off and he could stop caring about how close Nishinoya stood next to the first year. The way Y/N grabbed him by the collar and yanked him down said otherwise.

“It doesn’t work like that,” Y/N spat out as he glared the middle blocker dead on. “Once you fall in love with your soulmate, you’re in love with them. You’re forever destined to be in love with me.”

It wasn’t fair that the blonde didn’t get a choice in this. He deserved to get a choice in if he loved the other or not, especially if L/N had gotten that choice. It wasn’t fair that he thought the other looked beautiful with wet cheeks and snot dripping from his nose but the other didn’t see him the same.

“Why don’t you love me?” Tsukishima asked and his voice was calm, which differed from the volume in his head.

“You’ve never really shown passion.” Y/N let go of his shirt and pushed him back slightly. “You got into the 3-on-3 but you never showed anything more than that. Passion is different than not wanting to lose.”

Kei stared at him, surprised he remembered the 3-on-3. He was surprised the other actually paid attention because he had never made it seem like he remembered the little things Tsukishima did. He didn’t notice things like the blonde did; he didn’t want him. Kei’s brown eyes focused on the 5’6 libero as his fists clenched.

“I’m passionate about you!” Tsukishima screamed as he pointed at the h/c. “I’m so fucking in love with you that it hurts but you say I’m not passionate about anything.”

Y/N froze and Kei wanted him to do something. He was angry and he didn’t want to say everything he thought or felt because he didn’t do that kind of thing. He bottled everything up but he couldn’t do that with the other anymore.

“I text you to make sure you got home because I want to talk to you more, even if we talked the 30 minute walk to my house. I love when you laugh at my comments and when you try to impersonate a song when you obviously can’t sing for shit.”

L/N kept staring at him like he couldn’t breathe. I kept staring at him like he didn’t know how not to. The fact that there were no interjections made the middle blocker continue.

“I’m honest with you and I’m not like that with anyone. I don’t give two shits if it’s apparently some soulmate bullshit because to me it’s just a you and me thing. You make me feel safe enough to say what I want to.” He stepped closer to the libero. “You make me fucking happy with your stupid comments and how you try to fix your hair before class even though it looked just fine before you messed it all up to fix.”

L/N’s breath hitched when the blonde took another step closer and the h/c first year finally looked up to where the two were making eye contact now. Kei waited a moment for the other to say something but he didn’t. Y/N continued to just stare at him as if he still didn’t understand what was going on.

“I actually want to go to volleyball practice because I can see you play. You’re amazing when you’re not on the court but you change the moment you’re in the gym,” Tsukishima said and he noticed how the other took a step closer to him. “You make me want to be a better player; to be on your level. If I’m on your level, then I can actually play next to you like you’d want to.”

“Is this really how you feel?” Y/N asked, his eyes cutting through the blonde. “Or are you just saying in hopes that I won’t die.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you.” Tsukishima looked down at the ground. “I also don’t want you to die.”

L/N threw his head back as he laughed. Kei stopped breathing for a second at the sight and sound. The 5’6 boy leaned forward into the blonde; his head landed on Kei’s chest as he continued to laugh slightly. Warmth spread throughout the blonde’s body and he refrained from wrapping his arms around the other.

“I hate you so much,” Y/N said in between small laughs. “You had to get pissed at me for not thinking you’re passionate for it to all finally click. You had to basically admit that I make you passionate.”

Kei wrapped his arms around the shorter male, who let out a deep sigh. They had never done this before and now it’s all the middle blocker wanted to do. He could basically hear their soulmate teacher saying that the effect of soulmates makes everything so much greater than it actually is.

“Can you do something for me?” Y/N asked as he pulled away enough for the blonde to look him in the eye.

“What?”

“Come closer,” Y/N said before he pulled the other down by the first and kissed him quick. “Thank you.”

Kei’s face was bright red and he couldn’t tell if the libero was flustered as well. He felt like both of them should be flustered and he moved down to the kiss the other again. It felt better than what he thought it would feel like. His mother had said the moment she kissed his father, all of those feelings were real and not just dreams. He felt the same right now, especially when the other looped his arms around his neck to keep him down.

“You’re in the middle of the street!” Sugawara screamed and Y/N pulled away with a laugh. “At least go home.”

“Do you guys always make out when walking home?” Hinata asked as he pulled his bike along and the h/c winked at the ginger, who shrieked.

“Of course, we don’t make out when we walk home,” Kei said and L/N pouted slightly. “He just happened to have jumped me.”

“I would never,” L/N gasped as he placed a hand over his heart. “How dare you accuse me of that?”

“Y/N-chan, I bet I can run down the hill faster than you,” Hinata said, bored of the conversation, as he put his bike down on the sidewalk.

“You’re on shorty!” Y/N exclaimed and the two started running.

“So, how is his flower garden?” Sugawara asked and Tsukishima jumped at the proximity of his upperclassman. “Did you kill it?”

“I think so,” he breathed out and the ash blonde nodded. “Unless he’s lying.”

They watched as Y/N tried to trip Hinata as they started to walk back up the hill. The two first year boys laughing, mainly L/N, and Hinata would scream a ‘not fair’ every couple of moments. It was the first time either of them had seen the h/c first year look so at ease in the month and a half of knowing him.

“I don’t think he’s lying,” Sugawara said.

L/N walked up to the blonde, beating Hinata back up to their stuff (even though he had technically lost by tripping the ginger five times), and beamed at him. His smile felt like sunlight on a cold day and his eyes were fully of warmth, something the 6’2” first year had never noticed before.

“I’m hungry, want to get something to eat?” Y/N asked as he grabbed the other’s hand and Tsukishima’s skin tingled. “It’s on me if you want to be cheap.”

Kei intertwined their fingers and nodded. “You’re totally free to pay for me.”

Y/N groaned and looked over at Sugawara, as if the third year would help him out. The ash blonde laughed slightly and looked over at Tsukishima.

“I think he wants you to pay,” Sugawara said and Kei looked down at his soulmate, who was pouting at him. “You don’t want to make him sad, do you?”

“Yeah,” Y/N said. “You don’t want to make me said, do you?”

Tsukishima sighed. The way the h/c looked at him was different and it made him want to do whatever the other wanted. He didn’t have a lot of money to spend but maybe he could spend all of it on his soulmate. He’d definitely do it if L/N kept looking at him with sparkling eyes and warm smile.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Pork buns!” Hinata exclaimed and Y/N started to laugh. The ginger was too cute for the libero to handle.

“I was thinking more of sushi,” Y/N said and then he looked at his best friend. “I was also thinking of it more as a date.”

Hinata’s eyes widened as he nodded and the libero laughed a little at him. He felt like he did before Takeshi and maybe the ginger would realize that. The decoy turned to the blonde and tried to give him a threatening look.

“If you hurt him, then I’ll have to kill you.”

“Shouyou!” YN exclaimed. “He’d beat you before you could even try.”

The two started to argue over how mean L/N was and e/c eyes met brown eyes, which made Kei look away. Y/N walked over and grabbed the other’s hand that he had dropped when he started arguing and smiled over at Hinata.

“As much as I love you, I really want sushi.”

He also really wanted to kiss Tsukishima some more because it was better than anyone had ever described it to be. He still felt warm all over and the other’s touch lingered on his skin but it didn’t feel like it used to. Kei’s hand was warm in his and he wanted to bring it up to his face to kiss.

“Come on, Hinata,” Sugawara said as he wrapped an arm around the ginger’s shoulders. “I’ll buy you some pork buns.”

When the two were gone, Y/N looked up at Tsukishima and grinned at him. He was going to get sushi for free. The other first year couldn’t back out of it now because he basically said he’d buy it.  
“You ready to go, boyfriend?” L/N asked and brown eyes widened as they looked at him.

“Boyfriend?” Tsukishima asked and it was obvious the title affected him but he was attempting to make it not seem that way.

“Yeah,” Y/N said as he brought the middle blocker’s hand up to his face and leaned his cheek into the palm. “Is that okay?”

Tsukishima’s thumb caressed the skin and love swelled up in his chest. It had all hit him at once and it was so much more than he had ever felt for Takeshi and Noya, so he felt like he needed to make it happen. He needed to make sure that they were on the same page because he feared he would continue to have Hanahaki if they weren’t.

The soft and fond smile on the blonde’s face made Y/N lean into the touch. He wondered if they’d get to be affectionate like this more now. He hoped so.

“Of course, it’s okay, brat.” Tsukishima leaned down and kissed the crown of L/N’s head. The nickname held so much affection that the libero wanted to laugh. Only Kei would make an insult a pet name but it was okay. “It’s more than okay, you should know that.”

Y/N knew that but he had wanted to hear it nonetheless and it felt like he could finally breathe again.


End file.
